My Wish for You….

Today, yet another rite of passage is made for our oldest child. She will be attending her senior prom. The porcelain baby doll will be draped in sequins and rhinestones and being escorted by her boyfriend and not her parents. Ouch… Where did all this time go? I look around and all of the tween age décor is gone and replaced by a more sophisticated touch of a chandelier and sound solid colors.

Prom is very different here than what we have experienced anywhere else. In fact, in Virginia…. Girls went to Walmart to pick up a dress. There were so many people that attended, it simply wasn’t a big deal. So, the junior year of our daughter’s high school career she opted out of going to the prom. That made this year all the more special for her.

I am very excited for her day. It is an amazing experience to go to your senior prom. Her day is filled with appointments and deadlines. It is almost like I am getting a first-hand experience of what is to come on her wedding day. Of course, I have told her that we aren’t doing all of this again until her wedding day so that is where I get to that milestone. I pray we have several years until we hit that rite of passage.

Once she finishes her last class for the day, she is off to have her hair done. Accessories with rhinestones will be added to our beautiful daughter’s locks of curls. Those crazy unruly locks of curls from her toddler days will be all adorned with glimmer and glitz. Then off to have her make up done professionally. This makes me smile, she spends a great deal of time on her hair and makeup every day to continue her flawless face and hair… but today she gets pampered. She gets to sit back and let someone else take care of her.

When finished with all of this, it is off to get ready… the beautiful dress and the sparkling shoes. No this is not one of those times when she was playing dress up and getting into my heels or putting on three layers of clothes like when she was five. Those red ruby slippers from her Wizard of Oz Halloween costume will be nowhere to be found.

Each little bit of her day I will be haunted by the past. The cuteness of her putting on her own make up when she was little and the lipstick shade of bright red. The dancing around in the living room in her Rugrat pajamas will be replaced with a ball gown and a promenade.   I am one of those fortunate parents who have all of those memories documented by pictures to reflect upon. Just as I will have many pictures from today that I will do the same with as the time goes by and it is time for her next rite of passage that I need to be reminded that she was young and carefree on this day in 2014.

I feel at times that I have placed my second child in a secure spot where he simply cannot grow up. I just won’t let him, and then I have to face reality and realize that he too is stepping into an adult role in our family also. He will be attending his junior prom with his girlfriend. Although, it seems as though it can’t be true and maybe because I don’t want it to be his time yet… it is.

He will be trading in his batman gear from his early youth to look a little more like the dapper Bruce Wayne. His tuxedo which transforms him from a little boy to a young man is terribly hard to watch as I know I am clinging on to him as being our baby. He will be doing his own hair… (laughing out loud) and does not need make up so I think his day will not have such a tight schedule and I have one more day to prepare for his big day.

My dreams of having the two of them in a formal picture together just might come true. I so look forward to these two days of our children’s… oops….young adults’ lives. To them it is a special day filled with friends and laughter… but later those memories will be replaced with how youthful they really were and how many great dreams they had. Looking back at prom pictures is such a fun thing to do. Silly hairstyles and some pretty fluffy dresses were in the past. I am sure that those same feelings will be handed down to this generation as they look back 20 years from now.

Yesterday, as I was sorting through some of the kids things I came across a laminated envelope with the words: “To my future self” written across it. I remember my daughter doing this when she was in early elementary in Lincoln, Nebraska. I probably stared at it for a good five minutes before putting it down. During that time, I wondered to myself… when is the appropriate time to give her this? When will it make the most impact of what she wanted to tell herself that day in the early 2000’s that she would want to remind herself of in today’s world. I praise teacher’s that take that extra initiative to have kids do projects like that. Things that don’t make a great deal of sense to the kiddos at the time but later may have a huge impact on what they remembered and how much they have grown into their roles as adults.

So here is my prayer for the Proms everywhere: “Dear Heavenly Father, please be with our children as they embark on this rite of passage. Please be with them as decisions that they have to make are made with a good sound mind. Let them enjoy each moment of their special day and evening making memories that they can reflect upon for years to come. May You be their passenger for the evening and bring them safely to and from the events that are planned for them. Lord, we pray for your goodness and mercy to fall onto all of us as parents too, to allow our children to grow into the roles that you have set out for them. I ask this in Your Holy Name, Amen”

Are you up for a 40 day challenge… I am!

 

Well, the Lenten season is upon us and as each year I start off strong.  Yep… STRONG… Bring it on!  I can do 40 days of anything… well maybe. This year has been different.  There has been a great BIG glob of yuck to start the year off.  I have to overcome it before it overtakes me.  I have been enveloped in so much and it is time for me break the cycle.  Things have clicked.  I am the only one that can make the change.  I remember back to my elementary days… sometimes very difficult for me to remember two weeks ago, but… here I go I am trying to bring back a memory.  I believe we were in sixth grade when we had to write a report to turn in for Woodmen of World’s essay contest.  I believe it was a 250 word essay.  In sixth grade, 250 words was a novel; however, even then I must have wanted a challenge.  I am not sure what the criteria was anymore but I do remember that I wrote about Mahatma Ghandi.  I was so infatuated with him because he stood up for what he believed in.  And I guess that is why this ties into the post.  Change… Ghandi… “be the change you want to see in the world.”

Forty days… well it rained for 40 days and 40 nights, Moses was on the mountain with God with for 40 days (twice), Jesus fasted for 40 days ….and He was seen forty days after his crucifixion.  So what can I accomplish in 40 days?  I might be able to get something accomplished.  Each year, I believe and sometimes convince others that it only takes 21 days to make a habit so I should be set for something big if I can challenge myself for 40 days.  Since I am out of state this week, I called my kiddos and hubby to find out what their challenges would be.  Daughter: “no chocolate or soda”  Son: “no fast food with the exception of Subway”  Hubby:  “will do a 40 devotional or reading differing parts of the bible… and maybe the fast food too… with the exception of McDonalds tea (99 cents) and Casey’s pizza”  Me:  hmmmm… I got a few things going on in my mind.  Since spending time with my nephew, I have learned a great deal about him and his philosophy on life, so I am going to first tell you my challenge and then share with you some views I have learned from a 29 year old wise man.  I am going to begin a cleaner life style.  This doesn’t just mean eating right but rather living right.  I am not going to fall into that feeling of being pulled into drama or toxic situations.

In addition, to remind me of where I come from I made a challenge with my oldest brother… I put a challenge out there for him and I to communicate on a daily basis (no limits on the type of communication… just communication) and while doing this putting down one memory each day of each other.  All positive… nothing negative.  Now, this is a challenge because I often run from calls from my family; I am not really sure why, but I do.  I am usually gun shy… like I feel as if I have done something wrong or bad news for the family.  That is my baggage (maybe another day).  So doing this I am hoping to develop the habit of communicating with him on a regular way in a positive manner (honestly, I think it is just therapeutic for me… more work for him )  🙂  I have enjoyed it thus far; however, I am only two days in and I am in my STRONG mode.  Forty days of good memories will be good for both of us.  Actually, it will be eighty… if we both do our share.  I thought it was creative and I feel close to my oldest brother so it is going to be a joy to share some good times together.

The whole 40 days of Lent is set to fast from food and festivities, and other acts of penance.  The traditional practices to be taken up and renewed with vigor during the Lent season is prayer (justice toward God), fasting (justice toward self) and almsgiving (justice toward your neighbor).  Well, this is where nephew (wise man) comes in.  This young man has overcome huge obstacles in a short amount of time after being in a automobile accident where a semi hit him head on (not my wise man’s fault) just a couple of days over a month ago and he is able to begin to walk again.  This alone is a blessing I shared in an earlier post… so I will fast forward to now.

Spending time with him over the past week has been eye opening.  We have laughed together, poked fun at each other, took new firsts together… and even both shed a tear of joy after hearing the news of an outstanding doctor’s appointment.  I have learned so many things from him and I smile because I thought I was the teacher.  My nephew has grown up a great deal in a short amount of time.  In layman’s terms:  He has his shit together.  He told me that there are only 4 things that can make a person sick.  I reveled at this.  I want to share them with you.

1. The food you eat.  Whatever you put into your mouth can either help you or hurt you.  You have to come to terms with the food you eat and make it more than just about hunger and satisfaction.  He eats healthy food… now he is not what I would call a health nut, but he does eat right.  Fresh over processed.  Today he even told me that it would be better to have eggs from a happy chicken than a sad one because if she is sad… then those endorphins will get absorbed into her eggs.  I like that.  Did that ribeye steak I had come from a happy and cheerful cow…. or was that cow upset because he was penned and then took two days to get them to slaughter.  Makes one think… right?
2. The air you breath.  Yes, the air quality of your home can make you sick.  If you are in a stale home with poor ventilation, chances are you won’t be as healthy.  That is way getting out of the house this week was so important to him.  The beautiful days when you can be outside are blessings.  They revitalize our body and let the all the pure clean air so we need to enjoy them.
3. The water you drink.  Yes, it is as simple as water quality.  Be smart and if you know you can’t handle drinking the water from the tap; you will probably understand why.  If the taste is off or smells funny, why would you put it into your body.  It can be as simple as a Brita water filtering pitcher that sits on the shelf in your refrigerator.
4. The sounds that surround you.  This can be from calming music and allowing you to relax to the toxic friendship/relationship that continually drowns you in negativity.  You have to make the decision to put yourself in a positive place.  It is very easy to be overcome with burdens when you carry everyone’s.   Be strong and make the change to be positive and understand the difference.

There you go.  Very wise words from an ole soul.  Which then leads us back to Ghandi… “be the change that you want to see in the world”.  Simple, right?  It is as easy as you want it to be.  I think I needed the time away from my own stressors to see things a bit clearer because when you step away and look it seems pretty clear and simple.  You can stop eating at McDonalds, change your air filters, buy bottled water and put on your headphones and relax to the sounds of running water… but if you aren’t ready for change, that is all you will be doing are actions.  It is the change in you that needs to happen.  I think it is much like being a Monday morning quarterback… you have to see it and critique it after things have happened and then begin to change.

Am I overweight and always sick?  I need to find the change.  I need to be the change.  I need to figure out what is happening to me in regards to why I feel I can’t lose weight but always working on it.  Maybe if I look at my habits and try to create new and better ones, I might just not have to run those extra miles on the treadmill.  I need to be outside, and breathe the fresh air instead of in a house that has a continuous contagious illness flowing through it.  I need to find a way to be accountable for the water I put into my body.  I need to realize just as I may not like the water taste of a town, I can purify it.  I can cleanse it.  However, I don’t need to create a problem for my environment by placing more and more water bottles into our landfills.  Last but not least… I need to learn to walk away. This is the hard one.  Wanting someone to say “I am sorry” is not going to make them say “I am sorry”; however, I can’t carry that .  When the noise around me gets to much… I need tor find my silence… I need to remember that I am in charge and I don’t have to take part in toxic relationships of any kind.  Instead, walk away… find your peace.

That’s were I am tonight… just finding my peace.  Realizing that I am not always in charge of what outcomes are going to be, I feel much more relaxed.  I can revisit old text messages… emails… voicemails but I have to make my own change.  Today the change is to focus on positive people, places and things.  I will surround myself with those who share the love of being alive each day.  I will surround myself with people who do not judge others, because we shouldn’t judge others.  I will surround myself with the love of my husband and children.  We will pray together… we will fast…. and we will give for our 40 day challenge.

It may take me a while to get the whole puzzle together but piece by piece I will not give up.  I will make this my habit (21 days).  I will combine my four elements over time.  I will be the change that I want to see in the world.  I have a beautiful vision of the world and I hope you do too.  I pray that others will join me on this challenge… let me know how you are doing… or even need some encouragement; I will be there for you.  So tell me what your vision of the world is… what changes do you want to see in it?