There are some strange things that can happen within a time span of 60 seconds and after doing a little research there are things that will amaze you. Every time the second hand of the clock makes its way back around to the 12… here are just some of the things that happen. The average American household makes about a dime; 250 babies are born with 113 of them being born into poverty and 15 of them having birth defects. Oprah Winfrey will make $523 in that minute. The average person in the world will make only a penny. Three violent crimes are committed in the United States, two auto thefts are committed in the United States; 55,757 barrels of oil are used. Lightning will strike the Earth 360 times within that minute. There will be five earthquakes, 120,673 pounds of edible food will be thrown away of the 950,186 pounds of trash that is thrown away in the United States. There are nine new AIDS/HIV infections; 107 deaths every 60 seconds and of that number 18 are from starvation and just a raw and bitter statistic of one suicide happens every 40 seconds.
So initially let us focus on life’s firsts… you are born and what a miracle that moment is. But you have to realize that things only become more complicated after that. This leads to your first word… although as parents we love to hear things like “mama” and “dada” or even the ever-so-popular “no”. Think about the first time you used a BIG word like “defenestrate”. Doesn’t that sound smarter? Just so you know that means that you throw a thing or a person out of a window.
The first taste of real food. I am thinking of a mushed up banana but then it evolves into something that is much greater like a Snickers bar or homemade lasagna. Your first steps, after many attempts to get things going… it is there and most likely you will have hit your head several times on the corner of the coffee table… but don’t give up, it does come easier. Of course, as a parent we can’t forget your first tooth. The slobbering and aching gums last for weeks before it arrives and there is no way to covey just how much agony you are in… but suck it up. It will break through and you will need that tooth for the rest of your life.
The first play date-this will most likely be somewhere that you can socialize with other small, dirty, whiney, germ filled heathens who will scream at you “gimme”. You will be forced to color, play fake musical instruments, and bang blocks with small hammers. It may sound stupid, but enjoy it because this just might be the most fun you have for the next 80 to 90 years. This will be followed by the first day of school, so you better be prepared to cling on to your mother’s leg. You are not going to want to let go but it won’t matter because the teacher will drag you down the hall by your arm as your sweet mom jumps into her car and speeds away. Once she is gone, you will have the time of your life as you are forced to sit in a circle with about 20 other kids that are your age and will sing songs, play silly games and eat a snack. Eventually… you will surrender.
The first time that you tie your shoe. Of course you will be taught the “bunny hole” rhyme. It may sound creepy but it will work. “Bunny ears, bunny ears, playing by a tree. Criss-crossed the tree, trying to catch me. Bunny ears, Bunny ears, jumped into the hole, popped out the other side, beautiful and bold.” Years later you will laugh at how stupid that this sounded. Move on to the first time making your own lunch… peanut butter and jelly and leave the mess to mom.
Moving on to school days, the first “A” on a test. If you want this to happen, you will actually study for it. Praying won’t do a damn bit of good. God wants you to be responsible. Now you will work your way to first celebrity crush. Back Street Boys… don’t waste your time, it will be a waste of brain space.
Your first dance- hands on hips/shoulders, robot around in circles, and try to ignore the fact that your partner smells like body odor. You just might too. It is true that you will learn how to clean yourselves better as you make your way through the awkward teenage years. Okay, and if all the things come together… your first kiss-it will be very mechanical and sterile. It is possible to bump heads and even connect braces. Either way it is going to be embarrassing.
The first day of high school-you are going to be nervous, but relax, it will be fine. With any luck, none of the senior class will dump anything on you in the cafeteria at lunch or even pull down your pants in the hall when you aren’t looking.
Now we will look at your first REAL kiss- hopefully you won’t be drunk for this one. Enjoy the tenderness and the full on lip and tongue contact. Use your hands to explore your partner’s body- feeling someone up is all a part of the experience, just remember to stay outside of their clothing or you will risk getting a huge slap in the face or knee to the groin. This only happens if you are a guy kissing a girl. If it is the other way around, girls… do whatever you want. Guys will take whatever they can get.
Your first job-be prepared for a very low wage and very crappy hours. It is a way that society will break you in with working for minimum wage on the evening and weekends. Unless, your parents have connections and can get you a job at the golf course.
First time having sex- this will be much like the first kiss, this will probably be very sterile – in/out, in/out, in/out… it won’t last long and you won’t know what the big deal is.
First love- now this might happen early in your life or later in your life, it is really hard to tell. Some people wait a lifetime for it and it never happens. You’ll know it has happened when you are willing to move in with someone that has two gaming chairs and a bean bag and friends that stay until 2 in the morning.
First car- There is a 99.99% chance that it WON’T be a BMW. You will be lucky if it doesn’t light on fire within the first year of you owning it. If you have expectations of a Grand Am… Envision it because it won’t get much better than that.
Frist day of college- It is important that you remember that anything lower than a 50% will get you kicked out of school and you will be packing to go back home. Think about this in a month from now after you have been out partying for the last month, and you haven’t gone to class yet.
First time failing an exam- Don’t be surprised.
First time getting married- It will be sweet. Stressful but sweet. You will have visions of it being a huge celebrations with all of your friends and family so you can declare your love for your partner-whom you will plan to be with for the rest of your life-in front of the entire world. Just remember that the part about being with them for the rest of your life may not transpire. You have about a 50/50 chance of making it. Just consider yourself as being warned. In fact, you may want to consider having your parent’s give you a check instead and make it a heck of a honeymoon because the second wedding is on you. Also… take note: Just because you hate someone’s guts one day…. Does not mean you will hate their guts the next day.
First time giving birth- Ohhhh boy… that isn’t easy. It will be worse than what you could ever imagine. You will think you are going to die. Don’t worry though, you’ll probably survive. And after, you will forget about ever having a good night’s rest. Subsequent births won’t get any easier. They usually happen faster and the babies are always bigger.
Now you have to worry about the first time being a parent- Again, this won’t be easy. It will be one of the worst times that you will go through in life. You’ll be tired and cranky most of the time. Don’t be lulled into the bliss of the first three months of them sleeping all of the time and think it is time to procreate again. Reality is there is going to be mounds of dirty diapers and a lot of barf. As the years go by, you will become more and more thrilled with the relationship you have built with your little mini you. However, it is important to give yourself and your spouse time for yourselves. There is joy in becoming a parent and at times it can be difficult to see… but remember you can find a needle in a haystack. When you find it though, it is simply a feeling like none other. Reminder: Never let your child go to bed angry or go to school angry. It simply isn’t worth it.
First time being cheated on- You will be so angry and hurt when you discover this. Hopefully, you will be able to see people for who they are and avoid those who you know have cheated before. Leopards never change their spots… or rarely.
First time your spouse sleeps on the couch- DO NOT GO SUCKING UP TO THEM! The best advice is: Never go to bed angry. Keep a cross above your bed and make it your sanctuary. DO NOT FIGHT IN BED or IN YOUR BEDROOM. If they don’t come back to bed, let it happen.
First time getting a divorce- If you fail at marriage, it is okay. There are beautiful things called “step families” these days. You CAN get a replacement life. Life is too short to be abused or mistreated. Don’t give up if there is a fix, but know when the patch doesn’t work… abandon ship before the hole gets too big, and you know you are aboard the Titanic.
First time getting a mammogram or prostrate check- NEVER NEVER NEVER fun, but it can be well worth it. Just have a couple of beers or a bottle of wine before going in and it might even be somewhat enjoyable… most likely not. Don’t flirt with the doctor or technician, they won’t be able to respond anyway because it is against their code of ethics.
First grandchild- So much better than having your own kiddo. You can enjoy them to the fullest, feed them chocolate, and popsicles with blue dye and send them home with those children of yours that gave you such a hard time through their teenage years.
First heart attack- Hopefully you can prolong this for many many years if you don’t eat a lot of red meat or ice cream. If you chain-smoke, and never exercise it might come sooner. Depends on how you want to live. Do you want to have fun, or do you want to prolong your life using some better choices. It is up to you.
Death- It’s over and there is no repeats, do overs, or waiting 25 minutes to get another try at reaching another level. Hopefully your life will be full of love, joy and laughter and once you are buried, you will be visited. Remember, there is something much greater that you are moving on to so don’t be scared but rather welcome your heavenly adventure.
Now that we have visited all of those firsts, we have to remember to each first there also is a last. But the real point of this blog today is what we choose to do in the middle of the first and lasts and that is life.
From the first breath to the last breath it is all about how you treat people because things happen within a matter of a minute. Life to Death, Bachelorhood to Marriage, Newlyweds to Parents, Marriage to Divorce… it is all in the middle. The way we handle our 60 seconds is up to us. We are the ones who make the decisions on how we manage the time we have and we also have to learn to be responsible for it. How do we leave people? Do we do our jobs as parents and spouses to build our families up so that everyone feels they are special and needed? Do we treat them as if it might be the last time we see them or do we take for granted those moments and leave them in silence? Do we storm out of the house angry and use cutting words that we may never be able to take back? Do we challenge them to better their odds and reach for the stars or do we leave them with a so-so evaluation? We are the middle, we are responsible for the middle. If we don’t see the lasts coming maybe we should start the realization that to every first-there has to be a last.
Those are the so called 60 seconds.
just saying.... 